We are the countdown til my scan, which I WASN'T going to have but then after all the ovarian pain I was having I decided I really probably should!!! So 50 hours until first scan
Is anyone else having massive issues with food? Not m/s but not feeling like anything in particular to eat and then not wanting the food that is on offer?
Friday night at the shops we walked around for about an hour trying to decide on something for dinner. NOTHING interested me. Every single suggestion by DP was met by me screwing my nose up in disgust. By the end of it I was almost in tears. DP was laughing telling me I'm not supposed to cry in coles. He thinks the emotional meltdowns at the weirdest of times are hilarious. I just can't control the tears sometimes. And it just comes on for no apparent reason.......
Oh that brings me to the big Saturday breakdown.... over the dog. Well I decided that I needed to tell the dog just how much I love her, and that I will still love her if we have a baby. And that she will always be my first born fur-child and blah blah . I bawled my eyes out and hugged her for about an hour. Too her credit, she just layed there and put up with her crazy mum.
The dog and DP have formed an alliance though. They seem to to sense when I am close to tears, and usually group together. The dog will be asleep on the lounge with me and I'll start to feel emotional, she'll wake up, look at me, get off the lounge and go and sit with DP. Then DP will look from the dog to me and realise what's about to happen. I'm waiting for him to come out with the "Danger, Danger" chant. The dog has taken to following DP around and being careful about being stuck alone in a room with me - even she knows I'm a wreck
I've still had intermittent pain on both sides, but never both sides at once. One day I will be tender on the left side and then the next day I will be tender on the right side. I've also had a couple of instacnes where I cough or sneeze and I can feel everything tighten inside, not the most pelasant of experiences.
Nothing much has changed in a sense of my outlook for the pregnancy. I have days where I think that I couldn't possibly be so unlucky to go through another miscarriage, and that this time I will definitely get a baby at the end. But then I have days where I think well people have a lot more losses than what I have had, and it has to happen to someone.
I do think that if we have another loss, that having a baby will be off the cards. I try not to think too much about this not having a positiove outcome, as I just can't even bring myself to imagine the devastation I'll go through. I really feel like this is my last chance at a baby. Because DP and I will totally throw in the towel if we have another loss. I still wear the pendant around my neck that represents the miscarriages we had in 2008. The pain hasn't gone, it just got easier to live with. But I still think about them every day. I imagine that those felings will become part of a different aspect of my life if I do get to havea baby. That an actual child will make the sadness not so prominent. That maybe it will become something I think off every now and again, not every day.
Ok, enough with the doom and gloom
I received another lot of HCG results back. I was hoping for around 10,000 and we got 16,000
So this is the history of my HCG.
HCG Levels
11DPO - 35
13DPO - 115
17DPO - 870
20DPO - 3,630
24DPO - 16,000
I'm going to try and get my next one just before the scan. So I'll have a number to match the date.
My doubling times are really good, and are still under 48 hours even though I'm up to 16,000.
Again, thank you to everyone who has sent me messages of support and to say congratulations. I really appreciate it
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