5 Weeks Pregnant

So I’ve decided that I’m “Silently Pregnant”.

I know I’m pregnant, DP knows I’m pregnant and the internet world knows I’m pregnant.
No one in real life knows that as of right now, I am 5 weeks pregnant. Hence I feel ‘Silently Pregnant’.
I wonder how long I can go on like this? I know another person who went to after 16 weeks. I think I could do this – dependant on my size. I can imagine getting to twelve weeks and dp and I saying, just one more week, to be safe. Just one more week….

It’s not that I don’t want people to know, and heaven forbid something did happen, I would most definitely tell my family straight away. But I feel if I told them, I’d be public domain. They would all ask me everyday how I am and come and try to help out with things. I know I should be appreciative of that, but I just don’t want to have to shoulder everyone else fears and hopes as well. DP and I struggle enough at the moment to live a pregnancy type lifestyle, but not allow ourselves to get too excited. It’s extremely difficult at the moment because we are in limbo. It’s too early for a scan, so we don’t even know if this baby is in the right spot yet. If we discover a healthy baby at next week’s scan, it will definitely relieve some of the anxiety. But we still won’t be the couple telling anyone and everyone we are pregnant, like we have done before.

I mentioned this to another Blogger just yesterday, I feel like my body takes statistics as a challenge; something to strive for.

1. Percentage of likelihood of miscarriage after seeing a heartbeat is reduced to 5 %– I saw the heartbeat of our bUb, and still lost it.

2. If a live fetus is present at 8 weeks then the rate drops to 3% -

3. 2% of Pregnancies are Ectopic – Yep had one of those

4. Only 3% of ectopic pregnancies are NOT in the Fallopian Tube – mine was in my ovary

5. 98% of patients treated with Methotrexate will miscarry naturally within 7 days – nope not me

I feel like my body has a problem conforming to the norm. It chooses not to do what ‘everyone else’ does and likes to be a bit of a medical marvel – much to the appreciation of my medically trained friends. I think I’ve come in handy in a few Medical Assignments at uni! I’m hoping the 2 years off from TTC has made my body realise that we’re pushing 30 and its time to get this baby making business happening! So needless to say this pregnancy makes me nervous. Some days I am so toTally and utterly overwhelmed by the excitement of it all, I let myself get carried away with thinking about rearranging the house and what will go where and how, what where, when etc. And then other days the fear just overwhelms everything and I wouldn’t dare try and tempt fate and fantasise about what I will do when the baby arrives.

And then there are days like today. Where the pain in my left side scares the daylights out of me and I think it’s another ectopic, no matter how well my HCG levels are rising. And I Google the crap out of ‘HCG Levels in Ectopics”, “HCG rising time in Ectopics”, “How early can you detect an ectopic”. Cause to be honest..... I’m a bit bloody sore. When its on the right hand side, I’m fine. I just assume that its hormones or something stretching or pulling or any number of perfectly acceptable reasons. But when its on the left side the only reason I can come up with is it’s an Ectopic.

I rang the ultrasound clinic to have an emergency ultrasound to detect whether it was again an ectopic. They said that they just don’t have the experience with Ovarian Ectopics to be able to comfortably ascertain whether it was one or not. And I have to agree, they were totally and utterly dumbfounded when they found my Ovarian Ectopic last time....

So at this point I'm going to try and wait until next Wednesdau for my scan, when I will be exactly 6 weeks. If the pain gets to severe I'll try and get an emergency scan on Saturday.

Other than the fear and worry today I'm not too bad. Still a little nausea throughout the day, but mainly first thing in the morning and later after dinner. (.)(.) are still tender and definitely growing - I will need to keep them hidden or they'll give it away!!!