I can't believe its been so long since I've posted!! The feeling of nothing really happening, then my laptop dying, and being way to busy at work to spend my days on the internet :( has seen me heavily neglect my blog!!!!
I got caught in this 'in between phase' of my pregnancy. There was no movement yet, and I was feeling human again, not so tired every second of the day. I just felt like my normal everyday self, but I was getting a bit (lot) fatter.
I couldn't really plan a nursery, or do anything baby realted as I still didn't feel like there was a chance I'd get a baby at the end of this. An anterior placenta also meant I had to wait a little longer to get the reassurance of movement. The lack of reassurance meant I was really really uncomfortable with talking about or doing anything 'baby related'. Even now I feel like I've tempted fate a little by buying things. But we have hardly anything as yet.
The first baby item we got was a car. I had a 2 door, so we got rid of that and got another sedan. Within a week dp and I had swapped cars. So now I've got the 4WD - which I'm more than hapy with :-)
The car was about 6 weeks ago. Then yesterday we actually got some furniture for the nursery. The first 'real' baby purchase DP and I had made. And of course, baby was very quiet all day yesterday, I thought I'd jinxed myself by buying something. I know its silly, but when you've been pregnant so many times, yet still don't have a child..... .well its hard to get excited yet. I am trying very hard though. But come 2am I was woken up with some aerobic action to my bladder, so I felt a little comforted!
I've even taken some items from my sister that we'll be using instead of buying new. This week I'm going off to do my baby shower registery, and from that I should be able to work out everythig we need. I'll then tale the big things off the registry and DP and I will get them adn leave the smaller things to be baby shower gifts. Anything that we dont get we can just pay for after the shower.
I've at least picked a colour for the nursery and I kind of have a theme in mind. I just have to see if its feasible and something I can actually pull out of my imagination and put into a room. I have grand ideas in my head, so I hope the execution is up to scratch. I'm going for a very sentimental and calm room. in my head I can see black and white. As in white furntire, black accents, and then black and white photos. I just need to do it in a way so that the balck isn't too harsh. The plan would then be to accentuate with either blue or pink when 'Fred' arrives (I know its a terrible nickname - but I name EVERYTHING Fred).
So if anyone has any nursery ideas that they want to share... I'm all ears!!!!!!
DP and I spend most of our time staring at the house trying to work out where on earth to put everything. Our house isn't exactly small. We have 3 rooms, lounge / dining, a small rumpus type room and a small landing on the second floor - but we just can't fathom where everythign is going to go. Ebay is already starting to come in handy! I've offloaded a couple of pieces of unused furniture. Some other stuff will go to the tip and some may go to the Salvos. We just need to work out how we are going to set the house up so we know what to keep and what to get rid of.
Grow little one Grow!
Sunday, November 7, 2010
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
13 Weeks Pregnant
The NT scan went well on Thurday. The baby was being unco-operative and the Dr was jamming the U/S wand in and out of my pelvis, jiggling it around to try and wake the baby up. It bloody hurt!!!! I ended up having to go for a walk up and down stairs to try and wake it. But she got her good shot of the neck fold, which measured at 1.2mm
The Diagnostic Centre called and gave me ny results back on Monday.
Below are the combined risks (blood test and neck measuremnt)
Trisomy 13 = 1 in 101,409
Trisomy 18 = 1 in 32,148
Trisomy 21 = 1 in 13,466 (Down Syndrome)
So definitely happy with those resultsm especially as I'm pushing 30.
So now comes the big decision. When do we start telling people?
After previous losses I just can't hnadle the thought of doing the big group announement, or a facebook announcement. So do we just keep it to ourselves until we see people - or do we ring everyone who 'needs to know'. We have told parents and grandparents, and one set of cousins (they are expecting also).
But other than that, I'm not really sure how to approach it this time?
I know that there are several people who are going to be upset that they haven't known since conception :). But I'm really hoping that they understand our reasons behind keeping it quiet for so long.......
OB appointment went well and I have graduated to a four week appointment!!!! he suggested swimming and yoga or pilates to ease my back pain. I know I can't keep going to the chiro each week!
The Diagnostic Centre called and gave me ny results back on Monday.
Below are the combined risks (blood test and neck measuremnt)
Trisomy 13 = 1 in 101,409
Trisomy 18 = 1 in 32,148
Trisomy 21 = 1 in 13,466 (Down Syndrome)
So definitely happy with those resultsm especially as I'm pushing 30.
So now comes the big decision. When do we start telling people?
After previous losses I just can't hnadle the thought of doing the big group announement, or a facebook announcement. So do we just keep it to ourselves until we see people - or do we ring everyone who 'needs to know'. We have told parents and grandparents, and one set of cousins (they are expecting also).
But other than that, I'm not really sure how to approach it this time?
I know that there are several people who are going to be upset that they haven't known since conception :). But I'm really hoping that they understand our reasons behind keeping it quiet for so long.......
OB appointment went well and I have graduated to a four week appointment!!!! he suggested swimming and yoga or pilates to ease my back pain. I know I can't keep going to the chiro each week!
Tuesday, August 10, 2010
12 Weeks Pregnant
12 Weeks Pregnant. I've never said that before about myself. I've never BEEN that before. Its a little surreal.
I'm still not totally excited, as our NT scan isn't until tomorrow. But I'm truely hoping that if we get good results back from the scan and bloods that I may even be able to crack a smile without fear of karma going 'oooh I saw you smile, miscarriage for you'. I know, I know its dumb to feel like that. But thats simply how I feel. Don't enjoy it or it might be taken away from you. So hoping I can get past that soon.
In related news, I'm fat. My pants are a bit tight. And I'm eating to much A couple of weeks ago I told DP my uterus was the size of a grapefruit, which was probably why I had a little podgy pouch belly beginning. Um, wrong - it appears that NOW my uterus is the size of a Grapefruit. I told DP and he cracked up, saying my pregnancy brain is pretty good to be able to find a reason that I had a belly other than the amount of food I've been eating
But I want healthy food when I can't get it. I keep craving salad in the middle of the day at work when there is no chance I can access a nice, clean, safe salad. I don't even trust the local Subway out here. A simple salad wrap last week made my gastro bug even worse
More than anything I want a Caesar Salad. OMG I would kill for one. But do you think I could find a single Caesar Dressing at Coles that did not contain raw egg..... nope. Then I googled it to see if I could make my own Caesar dressing without raw egg. The only thing I found was a recipe with 'egg substitue', um, no thanks - I don't even want to know how they make that. And now I'm sitting here craving a Thai beef salad, but no where around here to get one. I'll have to have a sandwich - more carbs. Story of my culinary life
I'm really trying to be conscious of what I eat, without being really restrictive. I like chocolate, I eat chocolate. I'm not giving it up no way no how. But I'm trying to contraol portion sizes and main meals. Carbs are always such a focal poitn and I'd like to try and expand on the foods I eat while my taste buds seem to be receptive (I don't like a whole heap of foods). My back is already quite sore, and I'm sure that will increase as the baby grows and I get bigger. So I'd prefer not to pack on an additional 5 - 10 kilos of fat just because I'm pregnant.
I think I also made it worse because I decreased physical activity for once I found out I was pregnant. Just another thing on the list of things I didn't want to do in the hope that I avoided a miscarriage. Am looking forward to getting back into a routine and walking a bit more.
Chrio again on Saturday so hopefully they can ease some of the pressure off my back. I'd really like to get this under control before I get too much bigger adn put more strain on my back.
To the poor people who always have back pain. YOU. DESERVE. A. MEDAL. I don't know how you do it? Mine is only early in the day and late in the evening. But its such an inconvenince and casues so much discomfort. I just can't imagine feeling tliek that constantly. I really do sympathise with you!
Anyway, i've rambled enough. Scan tomorrow, I'll update once we have results. Have a lovely day everyone, and feel free to leave comments of some healthy recipes for pregnancy
I don't eat the following:
Mushrooms
Olives
Cucumber
And probably a billion other things, but I wont get too fussy
I'm still not totally excited, as our NT scan isn't until tomorrow. But I'm truely hoping that if we get good results back from the scan and bloods that I may even be able to crack a smile without fear of karma going 'oooh I saw you smile, miscarriage for you'. I know, I know its dumb to feel like that. But thats simply how I feel. Don't enjoy it or it might be taken away from you. So hoping I can get past that soon.
In related news, I'm fat. My pants are a bit tight. And I'm eating to much A couple of weeks ago I told DP my uterus was the size of a grapefruit, which was probably why I had a little podgy pouch belly beginning. Um, wrong - it appears that NOW my uterus is the size of a Grapefruit. I told DP and he cracked up, saying my pregnancy brain is pretty good to be able to find a reason that I had a belly other than the amount of food I've been eating
But I want healthy food when I can't get it. I keep craving salad in the middle of the day at work when there is no chance I can access a nice, clean, safe salad. I don't even trust the local Subway out here. A simple salad wrap last week made my gastro bug even worse
More than anything I want a Caesar Salad. OMG I would kill for one. But do you think I could find a single Caesar Dressing at Coles that did not contain raw egg..... nope. Then I googled it to see if I could make my own Caesar dressing without raw egg. The only thing I found was a recipe with 'egg substitue', um, no thanks - I don't even want to know how they make that. And now I'm sitting here craving a Thai beef salad, but no where around here to get one. I'll have to have a sandwich - more carbs. Story of my culinary life
I'm really trying to be conscious of what I eat, without being really restrictive. I like chocolate, I eat chocolate. I'm not giving it up no way no how. But I'm trying to contraol portion sizes and main meals. Carbs are always such a focal poitn and I'd like to try and expand on the foods I eat while my taste buds seem to be receptive (I don't like a whole heap of foods). My back is already quite sore, and I'm sure that will increase as the baby grows and I get bigger. So I'd prefer not to pack on an additional 5 - 10 kilos of fat just because I'm pregnant.
I think I also made it worse because I decreased physical activity for once I found out I was pregnant. Just another thing on the list of things I didn't want to do in the hope that I avoided a miscarriage. Am looking forward to getting back into a routine and walking a bit more.
Chrio again on Saturday so hopefully they can ease some of the pressure off my back. I'd really like to get this under control before I get too much bigger adn put more strain on my back.
To the poor people who always have back pain. YOU. DESERVE. A. MEDAL. I don't know how you do it? Mine is only early in the day and late in the evening. But its such an inconvenince and casues so much discomfort. I just can't imagine feeling tliek that constantly. I really do sympathise with you!
Anyway, i've rambled enough. Scan tomorrow, I'll update once we have results. Have a lovely day everyone, and feel free to leave comments of some healthy recipes for pregnancy
I don't eat the following:
Mushrooms
Olives
Cucumber
And probably a billion other things, but I wont get too fussy
Thursday, August 5, 2010
11 Weeks and 1 Day Pregnant
Well I don't think I could have been any sicker this week. I've been hit with a bad bad gastro bug. I actually woke up at 1am on Monday night thinking I was having a miscarriage the cramps were so severe. Then again Tuesday during the day, Wednesday morning and this morning at 4am.
I went to the Dr's today and they weren't really interested in the fact that I had gastro, just said yeah there's a bug going around at the moment. However, they were very worried about the fact that the gastro has caused severe cramping over the past 5 days. Cue referral for emergency ultrasound to check current 'viability status' of the baby. Well, well, well scare the crap out of me why dont you.......
I left my mobile at home on charge so I couldn't even let dp know what was going on!!
Went straight to ulstrasound place, and naturally they said they will fit me in instantl, and I spent the waiting time thinking about how i would let people know that I had lost yet another pregnancy.........
On a side note, ladies (in Australia) with bleeding or cramping, you SHOULD be able to ring your local u/s place and asked to be fit in ASAP as you are having cramping or bleeding. I have never had a problem with this at any u/s place that I have ever been too. Even the medical centre which had an hour and a half wait fit me in staright away because I was having sever cramping due to the gastro.
I waited about 5 minutes and was called by the u/s technician who told me last time about my m/c. I said to him I hope its not an omen that I got him. I also said that if it was bad news that there was no one else I 'd rather hear it from. He looked at my name and said he remmebers scanning me before.
So as he did last time, he turned the screen away from me so he could assess the situation first. Pretty much straight away he turned the screen back to me and pointed out a very obvious (if not upside down) moving baby.
It was kicking and punching and twisting and bending and not keeping still at all. It was hard for him to get a decent still shot to measure from. He had a giggle and said its on its head and then explained what position it is in against tmy body. Feet towards my tummy and head towards my spine.
He got the measurements and they were 11 weeks and 2 days. Which is spot on for their original scan at 6 weeks. Both say a due date of the 22/02/2011. OB says the 24/02/2011 and I say 23/02/2011. SO I'm definitely happy with the measurements.
He pointed out and took images of the limbs, and confirmed that we had two arms and two legs, as well as images of the umbilical cord and the placenta.
After all the measuring was done I told him just how much I appreciated the way he dealt with me last time. I knew I had lost the baby and had just gone in to confirm it, as the hospital scanner was so crap that they couldn't see anythign at all. I told him that the way he treated me, the baby and the situation was more than I could have asked for. And that
I have never forgotten him in the two years since it had happened. Nor had I stopped being thankful that it was him that I ended up with that day. He said he was honestly touched and appreciated hearing that as it such a hard thing for them to do and that he tries to do it with as much dignity and respect as possible. He also said that he had left his old job as it was their policy to not say a word to the patient and just to walk out if there was a problem. I also said as opposed to the poor girl who got me when I had the Ovarian ectopic - she flipped out casue she had no idea what was going on!!!. He got all excited then and said wow was that YOU. We all saw those scans as it is so so rare to come across them, and it was in one of their training sessions!! And that 'Kelly' the poor girl who did that ulstrasound was still only training when that happened - poor girl!
So, in all the panic I forgot to look at the actual size, but I'll go pick up the scans in the next few days (too sick to go back today) and will check then.
NT is in a week, so hopefully the next week will be boring!!!
Oh - I had forgotten to take my phone to the dr's with, decided not to go back adn get it casue I was just going up over gastro. Well poor DP had no idea what was taking me so long and why I wasn't answering the phone!!!!!
Will not leave phone on charge next time!
I went to the Dr's today and they weren't really interested in the fact that I had gastro, just said yeah there's a bug going around at the moment. However, they were very worried about the fact that the gastro has caused severe cramping over the past 5 days. Cue referral for emergency ultrasound to check current 'viability status' of the baby. Well, well, well scare the crap out of me why dont you.......
I left my mobile at home on charge so I couldn't even let dp know what was going on!!
Went straight to ulstrasound place, and naturally they said they will fit me in instantl, and I spent the waiting time thinking about how i would let people know that I had lost yet another pregnancy.........
On a side note, ladies (in Australia) with bleeding or cramping, you SHOULD be able to ring your local u/s place and asked to be fit in ASAP as you are having cramping or bleeding. I have never had a problem with this at any u/s place that I have ever been too. Even the medical centre which had an hour and a half wait fit me in staright away because I was having sever cramping due to the gastro.
I waited about 5 minutes and was called by the u/s technician who told me last time about my m/c. I said to him I hope its not an omen that I got him. I also said that if it was bad news that there was no one else I 'd rather hear it from. He looked at my name and said he remmebers scanning me before.
So as he did last time, he turned the screen away from me so he could assess the situation first. Pretty much straight away he turned the screen back to me and pointed out a very obvious (if not upside down) moving baby.
It was kicking and punching and twisting and bending and not keeping still at all. It was hard for him to get a decent still shot to measure from. He had a giggle and said its on its head and then explained what position it is in against tmy body. Feet towards my tummy and head towards my spine.
He got the measurements and they were 11 weeks and 2 days. Which is spot on for their original scan at 6 weeks. Both say a due date of the 22/02/2011. OB says the 24/02/2011 and I say 23/02/2011. SO I'm definitely happy with the measurements.
He pointed out and took images of the limbs, and confirmed that we had two arms and two legs, as well as images of the umbilical cord and the placenta.
After all the measuring was done I told him just how much I appreciated the way he dealt with me last time. I knew I had lost the baby and had just gone in to confirm it, as the hospital scanner was so crap that they couldn't see anythign at all. I told him that the way he treated me, the baby and the situation was more than I could have asked for. And that
I have never forgotten him in the two years since it had happened. Nor had I stopped being thankful that it was him that I ended up with that day. He said he was honestly touched and appreciated hearing that as it such a hard thing for them to do and that he tries to do it with as much dignity and respect as possible. He also said that he had left his old job as it was their policy to not say a word to the patient and just to walk out if there was a problem. I also said as opposed to the poor girl who got me when I had the Ovarian ectopic - she flipped out casue she had no idea what was going on!!!. He got all excited then and said wow was that YOU. We all saw those scans as it is so so rare to come across them, and it was in one of their training sessions!! And that 'Kelly' the poor girl who did that ulstrasound was still only training when that happened - poor girl!
So, in all the panic I forgot to look at the actual size, but I'll go pick up the scans in the next few days (too sick to go back today) and will check then.
NT is in a week, so hopefully the next week will be boring!!!
Oh - I had forgotten to take my phone to the dr's with, decided not to go back adn get it casue I was just going up over gastro. Well poor DP had no idea what was taking me so long and why I wasn't answering the phone!!!!!
Will not leave phone on charge next time!
Monday, July 26, 2010
9 Weeks and 6 Days Pregnant
Sorry I’ve been MIA, but I’ve been a little bit worried and was starting to think the worst this past week. I seemed to have lost some of my symptoms – I wasn’t QUITE as tired. My boobs weren’t QUITE as sore, my nausea wasn’t QUITE as bad. Now as if the lack of symptoms wasn’t enough to worry about… I had a bleed on Saturday. Not spotting, not a little streak in my mucous. I had a bleed. Bright red, thin and a lot. Thankfully no clots though. So I kind of checked out from the world this past week.
The bleeding stopped on Saturday night and I took it fairly easily on Sunday and Monday.
Ob appointment was yesterday arvo and I first spoke to him about a dear friend who managed to get pregnant first cycle after her m/c only to have very low rising HCG and start to m/c again today – unfortunately it appears to be a chemical. I’m just devastated for her, her and her husband were so positive that this couldn’t happen to them twice in a row, and now they’ve been crushed twice in 5 weeks
I told him about my bleed and he was a little concerned. He kept saying brown blood isn’t too bad, and I said no sorry this was bright red blood. Oh ‘not good’ he said. Yep – knew that…….
So we went over to the U/S machine and he went with the abdominal scan. He said ‘see that’ and this time I could not see a thing. Last time I saw the heartbeat straight away, this time I could just see grey, black and white. I told him honestly I can’t see a thing this time. Then he did an measurement and it was 10 wk and 6 days, I said woooah that’s bit big, better not be that big already
He then did an internal and once that was in we could see a baby. A ‘real’ looking baby. It had arms and legs and a distinct head and body. I’ve never been pregnant with a REAL baby. I’ve only ever seen blobs. This looked like a baby and I was blown away. I’m not naïve or stupid, I used to be a nurse and I’ve seen a stack of ultrasounds etc etc, I know how babies develop. BUT me personally, I’ve never been able to make something that grew enough to look like a real baby you could even see the fingers.
I stopped and just stared for awhile, I must have gone very quiet because he asked if I was alright. I told him that for all the many times I’ve been pregnant I’ve never grown something that looked like an actual baby. It was moving and kicking and he even said can you see it kicking. It was so surreal. And I said to my partner its so strange that there is so much movement but I can’t feel anything. I think DP was a little awestruck by the whole situation too, neither of us have seen anything that looks like an actual baby. And the Dr said this is usually the stage where people give the baby a nickname, yeah buddy not us. No nicknames yet. We don’t even say WHEN we have a baby, we say IF we have a baby. We are very very aware that there is still a chance of something going wrong and are being respectful of that.
NT scan in 2 weeks and 2 days. OB appointment 3 weeks.
Lets hope for no more bleeding!
Apologies for the blurry image, its a photo taken of a scan on my mobile.
The bleeding stopped on Saturday night and I took it fairly easily on Sunday and Monday.
Ob appointment was yesterday arvo and I first spoke to him about a dear friend who managed to get pregnant first cycle after her m/c only to have very low rising HCG and start to m/c again today – unfortunately it appears to be a chemical. I’m just devastated for her, her and her husband were so positive that this couldn’t happen to them twice in a row, and now they’ve been crushed twice in 5 weeks
I told him about my bleed and he was a little concerned. He kept saying brown blood isn’t too bad, and I said no sorry this was bright red blood. Oh ‘not good’ he said. Yep – knew that…….
So we went over to the U/S machine and he went with the abdominal scan. He said ‘see that’ and this time I could not see a thing. Last time I saw the heartbeat straight away, this time I could just see grey, black and white. I told him honestly I can’t see a thing this time. Then he did an measurement and it was 10 wk and 6 days, I said woooah that’s bit big, better not be that big already
He then did an internal and once that was in we could see a baby. A ‘real’ looking baby. It had arms and legs and a distinct head and body. I’ve never been pregnant with a REAL baby. I’ve only ever seen blobs. This looked like a baby and I was blown away. I’m not naïve or stupid, I used to be a nurse and I’ve seen a stack of ultrasounds etc etc, I know how babies develop. BUT me personally, I’ve never been able to make something that grew enough to look like a real baby you could even see the fingers.
I stopped and just stared for awhile, I must have gone very quiet because he asked if I was alright. I told him that for all the many times I’ve been pregnant I’ve never grown something that looked like an actual baby. It was moving and kicking and he even said can you see it kicking. It was so surreal. And I said to my partner its so strange that there is so much movement but I can’t feel anything. I think DP was a little awestruck by the whole situation too, neither of us have seen anything that looks like an actual baby. And the Dr said this is usually the stage where people give the baby a nickname, yeah buddy not us. No nicknames yet. We don’t even say WHEN we have a baby, we say IF we have a baby. We are very very aware that there is still a chance of something going wrong and are being respectful of that.
NT scan in 2 weeks and 2 days. OB appointment 3 weeks.
Lets hope for no more bleeding!
Apologies for the blurry image, its a photo taken of a scan on my mobile.
Monday, July 19, 2010
8 Weeks and 6 Days
Time feels as though it is dragging a little at the moment. I think it has to do with today being the same time that I lost one of our angel babies. The baby stopped growing at 8 weeks and 5 days, but I had no sign of a miscarriage until 2 weeks later when I had the tiniest, tiniest little bit of brown spotting. TINY amount. Honestly the amount of spotting that was there would not usually cause anyone concern, but for someone reason I just KNEW it was over.
At the moment I feel a little not pregnant. Maybe I’m just used to my own personal pregnancy symptoms? I’m fat, which is so funny - Because I’m fat fat, not pregnant fat. It’s like my body has retained every single thing I have eaten. I just can’t suck my tummy in anymore. Boobs seemed to have stopped growing and are happy to sit at this full but not huge stage. Would love them to be this full all the time. The weight seems to be from grazing all day. when I ea I don’t feel nauseas. So I nibble on little lollies and bad things throughout the day. I really need to get into practice with snacking on fruit. Dinner lunch and breakfast are all good meals and I’m definitely covering off the dietary and nutritional requirements. Its just the snacking I’m having an issue with.
I get headaches if I don’t drink enough water. Never a problem at work as I drink about 2 – 3 litres. But on the weekends I need to consciously make sure I’m drinking enough water.
I still get very very sleepy around 2 pm, and then again at 6 pm. And if I stay up past 10pm I’m wide awake for hours and hours. Thankfully all the good tv shows have finished and I can get early nights. Which I think is helping a little with my energy levels. However, as everyone knows, when you’re in the first trimester no matter how much sleep you have it still feels like its not enough.
Well another week til my next OB appointment and we will see if this little one is sticking around for us.
At the moment I feel a little not pregnant. Maybe I’m just used to my own personal pregnancy symptoms? I’m fat, which is so funny - Because I’m fat fat, not pregnant fat. It’s like my body has retained every single thing I have eaten. I just can’t suck my tummy in anymore. Boobs seemed to have stopped growing and are happy to sit at this full but not huge stage. Would love them to be this full all the time. The weight seems to be from grazing all day. when I ea I don’t feel nauseas. So I nibble on little lollies and bad things throughout the day. I really need to get into practice with snacking on fruit. Dinner lunch and breakfast are all good meals and I’m definitely covering off the dietary and nutritional requirements. Its just the snacking I’m having an issue with.
I get headaches if I don’t drink enough water. Never a problem at work as I drink about 2 – 3 litres. But on the weekends I need to consciously make sure I’m drinking enough water.
I still get very very sleepy around 2 pm, and then again at 6 pm. And if I stay up past 10pm I’m wide awake for hours and hours. Thankfully all the good tv shows have finished and I can get early nights. Which I think is helping a little with my energy levels. However, as everyone knows, when you’re in the first trimester no matter how much sleep you have it still feels like its not enough.
Well another week til my next OB appointment and we will see if this little one is sticking around for us.
Monday, July 12, 2010
7 weeks and 5 Days Pregnant - (according to everyone now)
So after a lengthy wait for the OB where I thought I might actually from thge hunger and nausea.... We got to see bub again. Heartbeat thumping away and back to measuring exactly to my original dates.
The stress has me exhausted and I'm looking forward to bed. Dr wanted me to have a few days off work, but unfortunately I'm just not in the position to do that at the moment. And honestly what damage is an office job going to do, really? It's as about as low impact and gentle as you can get. I'd do more at home cleaning etc. I had a tiny bit of spotting and I just can't afford to lose a weeks pay as a precautionary measure. I already had time off last week becasue I was quite simply exhausted. Spotting could be a regular occurence and having regular time off work doesn't bode well for job security.
I told the OB I'm just indifferent at the moment to this pregnancy. I'm not excited, I'm not scared. I'm just waiting for whatever is going to happen to happen. I don't even feel like a participant in the pregnancy, which I know sounds ludicrous - but kind of sums up how I feel.
I have to book my NT scan and I'm honestly scared that if I do I will jinx the pregnancy. I feel as if I'm being too brazen by booking anything in advance. But if I leave it too long I'll be stuck and not be able to get an appointment So it's a catch 22.
I'd honestly be perfectly happy to have a little nap for, ah 5 or 6 weeks
The stress has me exhausted and I'm looking forward to bed. Dr wanted me to have a few days off work, but unfortunately I'm just not in the position to do that at the moment. And honestly what damage is an office job going to do, really? It's as about as low impact and gentle as you can get. I'd do more at home cleaning etc. I had a tiny bit of spotting and I just can't afford to lose a weeks pay as a precautionary measure. I already had time off last week becasue I was quite simply exhausted. Spotting could be a regular occurence and having regular time off work doesn't bode well for job security.
I told the OB I'm just indifferent at the moment to this pregnancy. I'm not excited, I'm not scared. I'm just waiting for whatever is going to happen to happen. I don't even feel like a participant in the pregnancy, which I know sounds ludicrous - but kind of sums up how I feel.
I have to book my NT scan and I'm honestly scared that if I do I will jinx the pregnancy. I feel as if I'm being too brazen by booking anything in advance. But if I leave it too long I'll be stuck and not be able to get an appointment So it's a catch 22.
I'd honestly be perfectly happy to have a little nap for, ah 5 or 6 weeks
Sunday, July 11, 2010
7 Weeks and 5 Days Pregnant - (according to me)
I'm spotting.
Not really sure how I feel about that. It was only a little bit. BUT it was only a little tiny bit of brown blood last time, and that is what signalled the end that time.
I'll keep you updated.
Not really sure how I feel about that. It was only a little bit. BUT it was only a little tiny bit of brown blood last time, and that is what signalled the end that time.
I'll keep you updated.
Wednesday, July 7, 2010
7 Weeks 1 days according to me - 7 weeks 2 US - 6 weeks 6 OB - WHO KNOWS!!!
Hello Stalkers,er….. readers, Hello READERS J
My positivity from the first couple of weeks has diminished a little so I’ve been staying away so as not to bring anyone down.
I had my OB appointment today. Saw the midwife first and got my Yellow Card, Hospital Admission Forms, and my referral for the NT scan. And to be honest – it was all a bit too much. I ‘know’ it’s normal, and that I ‘need’ these things. But it was just all too much and I just didn’t want to even touch the forms. I felt like I was jinxing everything by being so presumptuous. It’s also pretty daunting when your Yellow card says ZERO children but 6 pregnancies. And now I get to carry that around with me – yay. She then went on to tell me about Mrs X who had six thousand m/c’s and then had 56 healthy babies etc etc. My brain was so overloaded I just wanted to run. Then I got the full run down on how babies are made and ‘why’ things can go wrong. I had to tell her I used to be nurse and kind of know the deal. Then she wanted to tell me that I didn’t anything about cycles, and that I couldn’t possibly have O’d when I say I did. OK lady – put whatever the hell you want on the form, and I’ll just change it later. I was thankful to get out of there. I’ve met her before and she is lovely, but she was just too much for me today.
After that I went in to see my lovely OB – who was A MILLION times better than the midwife. He said are you nervous. I said definitely. He said how is DP, and I said the same as me, happy, but very anxious. He said it’s typical and not to worry about feeling like that (which I’m not). I told him I hadn’t eaten this morning in case there is something wrong and I need surgery. Because of one stupid glass of water last time I had keep a dead baby inside me overnight before I could have my D&C. I hated it, it was worse knowing it was still in there and no longer alive than it was to actually process the information that I’d miscarried. So no breakfast and no water this morning, which made for some crappy nausea while I was waiting.
The OB couldn’t see the baby through an abdominal ultrasound, which was disappointing as I was trying to avoid internals. So we had to have dildocam J Once that was in he could asked if I could see the heartbeat. Huh – I couldn’t see anything. His portable U/S machine is pretty basic compared to the one at the U/S clinic!!! But he pointed it out and started doing some measurements. Bub measured 6 weeks and 6 days. It should have been 7 weeks and 2 days according to my last scan. So I really wasn’t impressed at all. Although he said that it’s completely normal to measure a bit out, I don’t think they realise that that seriously offers zero comfort. He said all the usual if I feel like I just lose all the pregnancy symptoms, call him. If I bleed, call him. If I have severe cramping, call him. If I have any other issues, call him. And he was lovely enough to drive me his mobile number. And then he said I will be on fortnightly visits until we decide I might actually be having a pregnancy where I get a baby at the end. We finished up the appointment and I went to make the next one. Theuy wanted to do it a 8 weeks 6 days and I said no – that that is not enough ‘time’ to pass. I lost one of the babies at 8 weeks and 5 days, and I NEEDED the next appointment to be well after that.
So I left feeling…. Nothing. I rang DP and said I just don’t FEEL anything. I’m not happy, I’m not scared; I’m not excited, I’m not sad. I’m just numb. I’m just sitting here waiting to have a miscarriage of waiting to get to at least 10 weeks or so. And I feel terrible for not feeling anything, which weighs on my mind. I don’t want to be a bi7ch, or indifferent to my pregnancy. But it seems this ‘numb’ business is easier to do then being emotionally destroyed and bawling most of the time. So I’m kinda hiding out, keeping to myself and just sitting with DP and being numb for awhile. Hopefully this funk will shift soon.
Sorry I’m not more positive today folks. Just a bit apprehensive, that’s all.
My positivity from the first couple of weeks has diminished a little so I’ve been staying away so as not to bring anyone down.
I had my OB appointment today. Saw the midwife first and got my Yellow Card, Hospital Admission Forms, and my referral for the NT scan. And to be honest – it was all a bit too much. I ‘know’ it’s normal, and that I ‘need’ these things. But it was just all too much and I just didn’t want to even touch the forms. I felt like I was jinxing everything by being so presumptuous. It’s also pretty daunting when your Yellow card says ZERO children but 6 pregnancies. And now I get to carry that around with me – yay. She then went on to tell me about Mrs X who had six thousand m/c’s and then had 56 healthy babies etc etc. My brain was so overloaded I just wanted to run. Then I got the full run down on how babies are made and ‘why’ things can go wrong. I had to tell her I used to be nurse and kind of know the deal. Then she wanted to tell me that I didn’t anything about cycles, and that I couldn’t possibly have O’d when I say I did. OK lady – put whatever the hell you want on the form, and I’ll just change it later. I was thankful to get out of there. I’ve met her before and she is lovely, but she was just too much for me today.
After that I went in to see my lovely OB – who was A MILLION times better than the midwife. He said are you nervous. I said definitely. He said how is DP, and I said the same as me, happy, but very anxious. He said it’s typical and not to worry about feeling like that (which I’m not). I told him I hadn’t eaten this morning in case there is something wrong and I need surgery. Because of one stupid glass of water last time I had keep a dead baby inside me overnight before I could have my D&C. I hated it, it was worse knowing it was still in there and no longer alive than it was to actually process the information that I’d miscarried. So no breakfast and no water this morning, which made for some crappy nausea while I was waiting.
The OB couldn’t see the baby through an abdominal ultrasound, which was disappointing as I was trying to avoid internals. So we had to have dildocam J Once that was in he could asked if I could see the heartbeat. Huh – I couldn’t see anything. His portable U/S machine is pretty basic compared to the one at the U/S clinic!!! But he pointed it out and started doing some measurements. Bub measured 6 weeks and 6 days. It should have been 7 weeks and 2 days according to my last scan. So I really wasn’t impressed at all. Although he said that it’s completely normal to measure a bit out, I don’t think they realise that that seriously offers zero comfort. He said all the usual if I feel like I just lose all the pregnancy symptoms, call him. If I bleed, call him. If I have severe cramping, call him. If I have any other issues, call him. And he was lovely enough to drive me his mobile number. And then he said I will be on fortnightly visits until we decide I might actually be having a pregnancy where I get a baby at the end. We finished up the appointment and I went to make the next one. Theuy wanted to do it a 8 weeks 6 days and I said no – that that is not enough ‘time’ to pass. I lost one of the babies at 8 weeks and 5 days, and I NEEDED the next appointment to be well after that.
So I left feeling…. Nothing. I rang DP and said I just don’t FEEL anything. I’m not happy, I’m not scared; I’m not excited, I’m not sad. I’m just numb. I’m just sitting here waiting to have a miscarriage of waiting to get to at least 10 weeks or so. And I feel terrible for not feeling anything, which weighs on my mind. I don’t want to be a bi7ch, or indifferent to my pregnancy. But it seems this ‘numb’ business is easier to do then being emotionally destroyed and bawling most of the time. So I’m kinda hiding out, keeping to myself and just sitting with DP and being numb for awhile. Hopefully this funk will shift soon.
Sorry I’m not more positive today folks. Just a bit apprehensive, that’s all.
Thursday, July 1, 2010
6 Weeks 1 Day Pregnant
Sorry I haven't posted. I'm exhausted and emotional. I can't stop crying. Just want to sleep.
I am PREGNANT with a 5mm bubba in the RIGHT spot with a heartbeat of 110bpm.
I promise to come back and give you more soon. Right now I need to sleep, because if I don't sleep then I'm busy crying!!! Looking forward to that part going away!!!!
Blood results:
28 DPO - 44,000
And a little pic......
see it over there... soooo teeny tiny : )
I am PREGNANT with a 5mm bubba in the RIGHT spot with a heartbeat of 110bpm.
I promise to come back and give you more soon. Right now I need to sleep, because if I don't sleep then I'm busy crying!!! Looking forward to that part going away!!!!
Blood results:
28 DPO - 44,000
And a little pic......
see it over there... soooo teeny tiny : )
Monday, June 28, 2010
5 Weeks and 6 Days Pregnant
At times I’m quite surprised at the level of stress and anxiety that early pregnancy has on me. And then at times I (briefly) feel at peace with the whole situation. Right now sleep is my savior though and I’d be perfectly happy to go to sleep and not wake up again until at least twelve weeks. When you sleep you don’t think, and when you don’t think you don’t stress. Therefore sleep = A OK in my books.
Another reason why I don’t want to tell people that I’m pregnant is because I don’t want the broken record of ‘just relax and everything will be fine’. I’m sure people think it’s helpful, or positive, but really it’s not for me. I’ve done ‘relaxed’ – Um I lost my baby. So relaxing is off the cards. I wish that it really was that simple to now relax and things will be fine. Relaxing would be a hell of a lot easier than constant fear. Relaxing just isn’t possible. At times I picture our life with our baby, and then I get a cramp on my left hand side. And I stop fantasising and go back to fear.
Pregnancy for me is wrapped up in fear and anxiety. I’m happy I am pregnant. I also know that I HAVE to be pregnant in order to have any children. But pregnancy and me, we just don’t do well. We have a sordid past that has left a small piece of my heart broken forever.
I think today’s ‘concerns’ (for lack of a better word) stem from the fact that in 24 hours I’ll be having my first scan. I can PICTURE the technician saying and there’s the heartbeat, and yes you’re 6 weeks and due on the 23rd February. I can see me crying. But then, then I can also see the silence. The technician saying I’ll just be back in a moment, and instantly knowing it’s over. Last time the technician was so confused, she just said I need the Dr – then she just got up and walked out. And I knew it was over. I never ever would have guessed it was in my bloody ovary though!! She apologised afterwards though as she was just so shocked, as she believed I had a twin pregnancy with one in the uterus and one in the ovary. She panicked and didn’t want to ‘worry me’ by saying the wrong thing so she just bailed!!! I know they aren’t allowed to officially diagnose, but some sort of hint like ‘Oh there appears to be a lump in your ovary – I’d just like the dr to check it’ or something else would have made me feel so much better. I guess though that could have been even worse than just an ovarian ectopic – it could have been twins. Knowing you have a perfectly healthy pregnancy in your uterus that you have to terminate because of the ectopic. I guess that was a small blessing.
I have a favourite technician at this particular U/S clinic (which proves I’ve had way too many ultrasounds). Now the problem is if I get him, I might feel jinxed. He was the technician who confirmed at 10.5 weeks that my baby had not made it past 8.5 weeks. He was so extremely professional and considerate. I was in the waiting room while DP had a x-ray a couple of weeks ago and this technician walked out. Well I had a little bit of a cry 2 years later and I still had all the same feelings of appreciation for him. I truly was so grateful to have had do my scan on the day. If I do get him again I think I will mention to him how much I appreciated his actions on that day. He switched the roof monitor off and turned his monitor away from me, as I had already told him we weren’t expecting good news at all. I remember asking ‘how bad it was’ and him saying that yes there is no heartbeat, and that the baby stopped growing at 8 weeks and 5 days, but the baby looks perfect. There’s no visual problems he could see and that and that the baby just stopped growing.
*Hmmm well that made me a little emotional and I needed a time out*
I just have so much respect for the guy. When it was probably ‘right’ for him to say fetus or embryo or products of conception or the likes, he called it my baby, and he said it looked perfect – and for that tiny little bit of compassion, I’ll be forever grateful. That day was a 5hit 5hit 5hit day, and he gave me some dignity.
So I think that that is why today is a bit of a strange day. I have history with ultrasounds. I have history with this ultrasound clinic. I may even have history with the technician. And it’s brought all these emotions to the surface. I’m scared, I’m positive, I’m negative, I’m nervous, I’m everything rolled into one. Tomorrow will be HUGE, whichever way it goes.
24 hours til my scan.
24 hours of insanity
24 hours til we know if this is a viable pregnancy……..
So if you can spare it…… please please pelase think good thoughts for me at about 4.00pm tomorrow!!!
Another reason why I don’t want to tell people that I’m pregnant is because I don’t want the broken record of ‘just relax and everything will be fine’. I’m sure people think it’s helpful, or positive, but really it’s not for me. I’ve done ‘relaxed’ – Um I lost my baby. So relaxing is off the cards. I wish that it really was that simple to now relax and things will be fine. Relaxing would be a hell of a lot easier than constant fear. Relaxing just isn’t possible. At times I picture our life with our baby, and then I get a cramp on my left hand side. And I stop fantasising and go back to fear.
Pregnancy for me is wrapped up in fear and anxiety. I’m happy I am pregnant. I also know that I HAVE to be pregnant in order to have any children. But pregnancy and me, we just don’t do well. We have a sordid past that has left a small piece of my heart broken forever.
I think today’s ‘concerns’ (for lack of a better word) stem from the fact that in 24 hours I’ll be having my first scan. I can PICTURE the technician saying and there’s the heartbeat, and yes you’re 6 weeks and due on the 23rd February. I can see me crying. But then, then I can also see the silence. The technician saying I’ll just be back in a moment, and instantly knowing it’s over. Last time the technician was so confused, she just said I need the Dr – then she just got up and walked out. And I knew it was over. I never ever would have guessed it was in my bloody ovary though!! She apologised afterwards though as she was just so shocked, as she believed I had a twin pregnancy with one in the uterus and one in the ovary. She panicked and didn’t want to ‘worry me’ by saying the wrong thing so she just bailed!!! I know they aren’t allowed to officially diagnose, but some sort of hint like ‘Oh there appears to be a lump in your ovary – I’d just like the dr to check it’ or something else would have made me feel so much better. I guess though that could have been even worse than just an ovarian ectopic – it could have been twins. Knowing you have a perfectly healthy pregnancy in your uterus that you have to terminate because of the ectopic. I guess that was a small blessing.
I have a favourite technician at this particular U/S clinic (which proves I’ve had way too many ultrasounds). Now the problem is if I get him, I might feel jinxed. He was the technician who confirmed at 10.5 weeks that my baby had not made it past 8.5 weeks. He was so extremely professional and considerate. I was in the waiting room while DP had a x-ray a couple of weeks ago and this technician walked out. Well I had a little bit of a cry 2 years later and I still had all the same feelings of appreciation for him. I truly was so grateful to have had do my scan on the day. If I do get him again I think I will mention to him how much I appreciated his actions on that day. He switched the roof monitor off and turned his monitor away from me, as I had already told him we weren’t expecting good news at all. I remember asking ‘how bad it was’ and him saying that yes there is no heartbeat, and that the baby stopped growing at 8 weeks and 5 days, but the baby looks perfect. There’s no visual problems he could see and that and that the baby just stopped growing.
*Hmmm well that made me a little emotional and I needed a time out*
I just have so much respect for the guy. When it was probably ‘right’ for him to say fetus or embryo or products of conception or the likes, he called it my baby, and he said it looked perfect – and for that tiny little bit of compassion, I’ll be forever grateful. That day was a 5hit 5hit 5hit day, and he gave me some dignity.
So I think that that is why today is a bit of a strange day. I have history with ultrasounds. I have history with this ultrasound clinic. I may even have history with the technician. And it’s brought all these emotions to the surface. I’m scared, I’m positive, I’m negative, I’m nervous, I’m everything rolled into one. Tomorrow will be HUGE, whichever way it goes.
24 hours til my scan.
24 hours of insanity
24 hours til we know if this is a viable pregnancy……..
So if you can spare it…… please please pelase think good thoughts for me at about 4.00pm tomorrow!!!
Sunday, June 27, 2010
5 Weeks and 5 Days Pregnant
Today marks 5 weeks and 5 Days into this pregnancy. I've only known I was pregnant for 16 days, yet it feels like so much longer. 3 weeks from today was the date that I lost the first baby in 2008. So 3 more weeks til that milestone. Well probably a bit longer as I doubt my OB appointment, and therefore scan, wont be on that exact date.
We are the countdown til my scan, which I WASN'T going to have but then after all the ovarian pain I was having I decided I really probably should!!! So 50 hours until first scan
Is anyone else having massive issues with food? Not m/s but not feeling like anything in particular to eat and then not wanting the food that is on offer?
Friday night at the shops we walked around for about an hour trying to decide on something for dinner. NOTHING interested me. Every single suggestion by DP was met by me screwing my nose up in disgust. By the end of it I was almost in tears. DP was laughing telling me I'm not supposed to cry in coles. He thinks the emotional meltdowns at the weirdest of times are hilarious. I just can't control the tears sometimes. And it just comes on for no apparent reason.......
Oh that brings me to the big Saturday breakdown.... over the dog. Well I decided that I needed to tell the dog just how much I love her, and that I will still love her if we have a baby. And that she will always be my first born fur-child and blah blah . I bawled my eyes out and hugged her for about an hour. Too her credit, she just layed there and put up with her crazy mum.
The dog and DP have formed an alliance though. They seem to to sense when I am close to tears, and usually group together. The dog will be asleep on the lounge with me and I'll start to feel emotional, she'll wake up, look at me, get off the lounge and go and sit with DP. Then DP will look from the dog to me and realise what's about to happen. I'm waiting for him to come out with the "Danger, Danger" chant. The dog has taken to following DP around and being careful about being stuck alone in a room with me - even she knows I'm a wreck
I've still had intermittent pain on both sides, but never both sides at once. One day I will be tender on the left side and then the next day I will be tender on the right side. I've also had a couple of instacnes where I cough or sneeze and I can feel everything tighten inside, not the most pelasant of experiences.
Nothing much has changed in a sense of my outlook for the pregnancy. I have days where I think that I couldn't possibly be so unlucky to go through another miscarriage, and that this time I will definitely get a baby at the end. But then I have days where I think well people have a lot more losses than what I have had, and it has to happen to someone.
I do think that if we have another loss, that having a baby will be off the cards. I try not to think too much about this not having a positiove outcome, as I just can't even bring myself to imagine the devastation I'll go through. I really feel like this is my last chance at a baby. Because DP and I will totally throw in the towel if we have another loss. I still wear the pendant around my neck that represents the miscarriages we had in 2008. The pain hasn't gone, it just got easier to live with. But I still think about them every day. I imagine that those felings will become part of a different aspect of my life if I do get to havea baby. That an actual child will make the sadness not so prominent. That maybe it will become something I think off every now and again, not every day.
Ok, enough with the doom and gloom
I received another lot of HCG results back. I was hoping for around 10,000 and we got 16,000
So this is the history of my HCG.
HCG Levels
11DPO - 35
13DPO - 115
17DPO - 870
20DPO - 3,630
24DPO - 16,000
I'm going to try and get my next one just before the scan. So I'll have a number to match the date.
My doubling times are really good, and are still under 48 hours even though I'm up to 16,000.
Again, thank you to everyone who has sent me messages of support and to say congratulations. I really appreciate it
We are the countdown til my scan, which I WASN'T going to have but then after all the ovarian pain I was having I decided I really probably should!!! So 50 hours until first scan
Is anyone else having massive issues with food? Not m/s but not feeling like anything in particular to eat and then not wanting the food that is on offer?
Friday night at the shops we walked around for about an hour trying to decide on something for dinner. NOTHING interested me. Every single suggestion by DP was met by me screwing my nose up in disgust. By the end of it I was almost in tears. DP was laughing telling me I'm not supposed to cry in coles. He thinks the emotional meltdowns at the weirdest of times are hilarious. I just can't control the tears sometimes. And it just comes on for no apparent reason.......
Oh that brings me to the big Saturday breakdown.... over the dog. Well I decided that I needed to tell the dog just how much I love her, and that I will still love her if we have a baby. And that she will always be my first born fur-child and blah blah . I bawled my eyes out and hugged her for about an hour. Too her credit, she just layed there and put up with her crazy mum.
The dog and DP have formed an alliance though. They seem to to sense when I am close to tears, and usually group together. The dog will be asleep on the lounge with me and I'll start to feel emotional, she'll wake up, look at me, get off the lounge and go and sit with DP. Then DP will look from the dog to me and realise what's about to happen. I'm waiting for him to come out with the "Danger, Danger" chant. The dog has taken to following DP around and being careful about being stuck alone in a room with me - even she knows I'm a wreck
I've still had intermittent pain on both sides, but never both sides at once. One day I will be tender on the left side and then the next day I will be tender on the right side. I've also had a couple of instacnes where I cough or sneeze and I can feel everything tighten inside, not the most pelasant of experiences.
Nothing much has changed in a sense of my outlook for the pregnancy. I have days where I think that I couldn't possibly be so unlucky to go through another miscarriage, and that this time I will definitely get a baby at the end. But then I have days where I think well people have a lot more losses than what I have had, and it has to happen to someone.
I do think that if we have another loss, that having a baby will be off the cards. I try not to think too much about this not having a positiove outcome, as I just can't even bring myself to imagine the devastation I'll go through. I really feel like this is my last chance at a baby. Because DP and I will totally throw in the towel if we have another loss. I still wear the pendant around my neck that represents the miscarriages we had in 2008. The pain hasn't gone, it just got easier to live with. But I still think about them every day. I imagine that those felings will become part of a different aspect of my life if I do get to havea baby. That an actual child will make the sadness not so prominent. That maybe it will become something I think off every now and again, not every day.
Ok, enough with the doom and gloom
I received another lot of HCG results back. I was hoping for around 10,000 and we got 16,000
So this is the history of my HCG.
HCG Levels
11DPO - 35
13DPO - 115
17DPO - 870
20DPO - 3,630
24DPO - 16,000
I'm going to try and get my next one just before the scan. So I'll have a number to match the date.
My doubling times are really good, and are still under 48 hours even though I'm up to 16,000.
Again, thank you to everyone who has sent me messages of support and to say congratulations. I really appreciate it
Wednesday, June 23, 2010
5 Weeks Pregnant
So I’ve decided that I’m “Silently Pregnant”.
I know I’m pregnant, DP knows I’m pregnant and the internet world knows I’m pregnant.
No one in real life knows that as of right now, I am 5 weeks pregnant. Hence I feel ‘Silently Pregnant’.
I wonder how long I can go on like this? I know another person who went to after 16 weeks. I think I could do this – dependant on my size. I can imagine getting to twelve weeks and dp and I saying, just one more week, to be safe. Just one more week….
It’s not that I don’t want people to know, and heaven forbid something did happen, I would most definitely tell my family straight away. But I feel if I told them, I’d be public domain. They would all ask me everyday how I am and come and try to help out with things. I know I should be appreciative of that, but I just don’t want to have to shoulder everyone else fears and hopes as well. DP and I struggle enough at the moment to live a pregnancy type lifestyle, but not allow ourselves to get too excited. It’s extremely difficult at the moment because we are in limbo. It’s too early for a scan, so we don’t even know if this baby is in the right spot yet. If we discover a healthy baby at next week’s scan, it will definitely relieve some of the anxiety. But we still won’t be the couple telling anyone and everyone we are pregnant, like we have done before.
I mentioned this to another Blogger just yesterday, I feel like my body takes statistics as a challenge; something to strive for.
1. Percentage of likelihood of miscarriage after seeing a heartbeat is reduced to 5 %– I saw the heartbeat of our bUb, and still lost it.
2. If a live fetus is present at 8 weeks then the rate drops to 3% -
3. 2% of Pregnancies are Ectopic – Yep had one of those
4. Only 3% of ectopic pregnancies are NOT in the Fallopian Tube – mine was in my ovary
5. 98% of patients treated with Methotrexate will miscarry naturally within 7 days – nope not me
I feel like my body has a problem conforming to the norm. It chooses not to do what ‘everyone else’ does and likes to be a bit of a medical marvel – much to the appreciation of my medically trained friends. I think I’ve come in handy in a few Medical Assignments at uni! I’m hoping the 2 years off from TTC has made my body realise that we’re pushing 30 and its time to get this baby making business happening! So needless to say this pregnancy makes me nervous. Some days I am so toTally and utterly overwhelmed by the excitement of it all, I let myself get carried away with thinking about rearranging the house and what will go where and how, what where, when etc. And then other days the fear just overwhelms everything and I wouldn’t dare try and tempt fate and fantasise about what I will do when the baby arrives.
And then there are days like today. Where the pain in my left side scares the daylights out of me and I think it’s another ectopic, no matter how well my HCG levels are rising. And I Google the crap out of ‘HCG Levels in Ectopics”, “HCG rising time in Ectopics”, “How early can you detect an ectopic”. Cause to be honest..... I’m a bit bloody sore. When its on the right hand side, I’m fine. I just assume that its hormones or something stretching or pulling or any number of perfectly acceptable reasons. But when its on the left side the only reason I can come up with is it’s an Ectopic.
I rang the ultrasound clinic to have an emergency ultrasound to detect whether it was again an ectopic. They said that they just don’t have the experience with Ovarian Ectopics to be able to comfortably ascertain whether it was one or not. And I have to agree, they were totally and utterly dumbfounded when they found my Ovarian Ectopic last time....
So at this point I'm going to try and wait until next Wednesdau for my scan, when I will be exactly 6 weeks. If the pain gets to severe I'll try and get an emergency scan on Saturday.
Other than the fear and worry today I'm not too bad. Still a little nausea throughout the day, but mainly first thing in the morning and later after dinner. (.)(.) are still tender and definitely growing - I will need to keep them hidden or they'll give it away!!!
I know I’m pregnant, DP knows I’m pregnant and the internet world knows I’m pregnant.
No one in real life knows that as of right now, I am 5 weeks pregnant. Hence I feel ‘Silently Pregnant’.
I wonder how long I can go on like this? I know another person who went to after 16 weeks. I think I could do this – dependant on my size. I can imagine getting to twelve weeks and dp and I saying, just one more week, to be safe. Just one more week….
It’s not that I don’t want people to know, and heaven forbid something did happen, I would most definitely tell my family straight away. But I feel if I told them, I’d be public domain. They would all ask me everyday how I am and come and try to help out with things. I know I should be appreciative of that, but I just don’t want to have to shoulder everyone else fears and hopes as well. DP and I struggle enough at the moment to live a pregnancy type lifestyle, but not allow ourselves to get too excited. It’s extremely difficult at the moment because we are in limbo. It’s too early for a scan, so we don’t even know if this baby is in the right spot yet. If we discover a healthy baby at next week’s scan, it will definitely relieve some of the anxiety. But we still won’t be the couple telling anyone and everyone we are pregnant, like we have done before.
I mentioned this to another Blogger just yesterday, I feel like my body takes statistics as a challenge; something to strive for.
1. Percentage of likelihood of miscarriage after seeing a heartbeat is reduced to 5 %– I saw the heartbeat of our bUb, and still lost it.
2. If a live fetus is present at 8 weeks then the rate drops to 3% -
3. 2% of Pregnancies are Ectopic – Yep had one of those
4. Only 3% of ectopic pregnancies are NOT in the Fallopian Tube – mine was in my ovary
5. 98% of patients treated with Methotrexate will miscarry naturally within 7 days – nope not me
I feel like my body has a problem conforming to the norm. It chooses not to do what ‘everyone else’ does and likes to be a bit of a medical marvel – much to the appreciation of my medically trained friends. I think I’ve come in handy in a few Medical Assignments at uni! I’m hoping the 2 years off from TTC has made my body realise that we’re pushing 30 and its time to get this baby making business happening! So needless to say this pregnancy makes me nervous. Some days I am so toTally and utterly overwhelmed by the excitement of it all, I let myself get carried away with thinking about rearranging the house and what will go where and how, what where, when etc. And then other days the fear just overwhelms everything and I wouldn’t dare try and tempt fate and fantasise about what I will do when the baby arrives.
And then there are days like today. Where the pain in my left side scares the daylights out of me and I think it’s another ectopic, no matter how well my HCG levels are rising. And I Google the crap out of ‘HCG Levels in Ectopics”, “HCG rising time in Ectopics”, “How early can you detect an ectopic”. Cause to be honest..... I’m a bit bloody sore. When its on the right hand side, I’m fine. I just assume that its hormones or something stretching or pulling or any number of perfectly acceptable reasons. But when its on the left side the only reason I can come up with is it’s an Ectopic.
I rang the ultrasound clinic to have an emergency ultrasound to detect whether it was again an ectopic. They said that they just don’t have the experience with Ovarian Ectopics to be able to comfortably ascertain whether it was one or not. And I have to agree, they were totally and utterly dumbfounded when they found my Ovarian Ectopic last time....
So at this point I'm going to try and wait until next Wednesdau for my scan, when I will be exactly 6 weeks. If the pain gets to severe I'll try and get an emergency scan on Saturday.
Other than the fear and worry today I'm not too bad. Still a little nausea throughout the day, but mainly first thing in the morning and later after dinner. (.)(.) are still tender and definitely growing - I will need to keep them hidden or they'll give it away!!!
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